LaterComesQuickly

i find in my life, moments that are crystalline in the clarity they bring yet are somehow lost in moments or days to the weight of the world. my attempt to even write this has been plagued by such inconveniences. these moments illuminate in a light different than just an “a-ha” but bring to mind every dreamed accomplishment and provides the will/ability and confidence that they are not only plausible but completely promised in delivery. analytical thought renders them laughable, but they breathe hope to the spirit which, in my experience, only comes from Spirit. theses moments fill my chest with a inflated weight that requires the outpouring of all things spiritual and creative. they ring of the Divine greater than the sum of time spent within the walls of the Church, yet i recognize the presence of God as surely as any whisper of worship at the moment of His revelation. i find them in a movie or a song. i hear them in the notes of music that ring in my ears moments before falling asleep, that i could never play or conceive while awake with instrument at hand. i hesitate to call it something as simple as inspiration because inspiration itself pales in sheer depth and scope of one second in this mode.

i will never claim to have a very enlightened understanding of God, yet i know the echo of His voice from the times that i’ve felt Him lead me. and these moments resonate with the Character of Him that i know. they require me to continually aspire towards my greatest character and to achievements that, in the time of common days, would never seem possible.

i mentioned finding them in created things, which may seem tainted as they are not found in direct communion with the creator. perhaps this is by spiritual lacking in me or by some purpose completely unknown to me. the drive to write all of this comes from a movie that i saw today, the name of which can go unmentioned not because of a need to hide the source of my inspiration, but because it ultimately doesn’t matter. there is a type of movie or a type of song that inspires me because beyond the script, the actors, the ticket sales or the nature of the artist, there is an underlying current of something spiritual that touches on the nature of man and his aspiration to realize life in its truest form. a silence that comes after every word that bleeds to be spoken has been spoken. the instrument that is quieted when the composition of heaven has been realized. the brush that is set aside when the masterpiece has been finished. not with ego or self-appreciation but when even the earthly creator whose hands, will or talent has been utilized in the creation process, stands back and silently worships at the feet of the Divine inspiration.

i do not have these moments, as nothing i have created has ever carried such weight….but i come so close to a moment where i can feel the levee straining under the pressure of some river of inspiration that rages to be freed. my desire to be awash in the flood comes not from a wanting to have something to hold up and say “i did this” but because there is some primal need to let it go through me and create something that brings worship to God through it. not for petty pseudo-spiritual motivations that are ultimately the pride that masquerades as spirituality, but by something that words do not and cannot convey. it is the worship that i cannot find in the half hour before the sermon starts.

when i wake up tomorrow, this feeling, which fades in every passing moment, may be forgotten but perhaps in reading these words i can find that spark again. my true aspirations in this mode are not things that i have pondered and decided upon but are things that i feel driven towards, often with no reason. in this i feel that perhaps it is time to remove whatever limiters than i have any control over; those being fear, insecurity, inability, duality in nature, perfectionism, an attempt to control perception, procrastination, comparison, ego, lack of faith, lack of confidence, selfishness and . in my experience every time God has required something of me, it was up to me to do everything in my power to follow the leading in my heart and it is at that point that God begins to work. this is both the thing i praise God most for and at this moment is my most sincere prayer.

Ah, yes the beginning. Lets start with some appropriate lyrics courtesy of The Polyphonic Spree

My Feelings
Are more
Than I can let by
Or not
More than you’ve got
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
You don’t see me fly into the red one more you’re nuts
Just follow the seasons and find the time
Reach for the bright side
You don’t see me fly into the red one more you’re done
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
You don’t see me fly into the red – one more you’re nuts
Just follow the seasons and find the time
Reach for the bright side
You don’t see me fly into the red – one more you’re done
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!