LaterComesQuickly

the echoes from my words
break the walls we stand within
i try to say “i’m sorry”
but the echoes break again
crying and disjointed
i’m losing touch with what i’ve held
faith becomes soft slow suicide
like tossing pebbles down an endless well

speak no more, color silence gold
face the mirror and face the fool
don’t speak again, just ignore the need
become the knees you fall to when you believe.
be quiet when you bleed

my problems seem to multiply
by the time my voice hits my ears
it doesn’t take too many words
to face off with my fears
i try to say so much
because i so fear being misunderstood
awash in all my insecurities
words don’t do the drowning any good

i can’t promise anything but love
but you’ve heard my voice too much today
miles make the lips so difficult to replace
so maybe memories can suffice…

song notes: i am not necessarily the best lyricist, but i usually have a specific reference in mind for every line i write. some of it is very easy to figure out (even if you don’t know me) and some is very personal and specific. i believe i should explain one piece of this song so that no one gets a wrong idea about my faith or my perceptions of God.

“faith becomes soft slow suicide
like tossing pebbles down an endless well”

i was having a conversation with a friend, concerning the the situations surrounding this song and we were talking about faith. sometimes faith is an empowering thing…and other times it feels like jumping out of a plane with no parachute. i made a reference about it feeling like throwing rocks down a well that has no bottom. at times, faith feels a little mysterious, some deep thing that humans can’t understand, much as it would be difficult to understand why you don’t hear these pebbles hitting water or the bottom of the well.

“soft, slow suicide:” well, at first it was just a line that kind of wrote itself. but as i think about it more, its true. faith doesn’t kill you, but it is a process that requires you to lay down more of yourself each time you exercise it. in situations closest to your heart, it really can feel like suicide, because all the workings of your mind and the passions of your heart want you to act one way, but your faith guides you down a different path…you just “killed” yourself and went against your nature.

a more amusing trait i’ve noticed about how i write is that i frequently switch who i am directing my words to in my songs, sometimes line by line. usually its either God, myself, the listener or a specific person that this song is to or about. i may say “you” and mean a person, the next line, “you” means God and the next i might just be talking to myself. i said i had a purpose in what i write…not that it makes perfect sense…